To the Class of 2011

Photo courtesy of Karin Ascencio

By the time a child graduates from college, she may have already sported a cap and gown at least five previous times!  These days every minute milestone seems to warrant a mortar board. 

Currently my Facebook news feed is awash with proud parents displaying their children's graduation photos.  Some of these are actually legit, like the one my aunt posted of my cousin's high school graduation.  However, the vast majority are not.  Completing two years of preschool does not merit a diploma.

However, since I seem to be in the minority, judging from the rest of the Facebook friends, here is my letter to the (preschool) class of 2011.  As you read this, imagine that Green Day's Time of Your Life is accompanying a slide show of photos that are mostly of the "you had to be there" nature.

Congratulations graduates of the preschool class of 2011!  Today you have arrived.  Today you officially become a big kid.  You are leaving the protective realm of nap time and free play to enter the real world of cubby holes and ABC's.  Yes, elementary school is a wide, scary world, but don't be afraid, your parents and teachers have prepared you well- all those long mornings stringing plastic beads and playing with colored sand will not be wasted.   

As you reflect back on these past two years, take time to remember your struggles and achievements.  

Remember the day you stuffed both nostrils with dried navy beans and had to breathe out of your mouth until the doctor pried them out with those huge tweezers?  Priceless!  

Remember the time you cried so long and hard for your mother, that the preschool director was sure that you were having an anxiety attack?  Then she called your mom to come and get you?  Hilarious!

Remember when the teacher let the class play with finger paints and half the kids decided to get naked in order slather their bodies with paint?  Ha ha!

But seriously, bravo!  You have successfully made it through two years of grueling curriculum including, but not limited to, the following: dress up play, block building, pretend kitchen games, story hour, circle time, and nose picking.  I know it has been rough, and that there were days when it was difficult to change out of your Thomas the Tank Engine pj's, but you did it.  You made it to school... most days.  

Even though this day marks the end of your toddler/preschooler-hood, don't be distressed.  There is a whole world of opportunities waiting for you.  Just think, in a year you may be able to read Good Night, Moon, or add using your fingers.  By this time next year, you may be through with night time pull-ups!
So, as I raise this juice box in your honor, I will be wishing that it was spiked with vodka.  However, hip-hip-hooray to you, young graduate!  You did it!  Sincerest congratulations on a job well done.  Now, if you could only learn to tie your own shoes.

Until next year (when we get to do this all over again for your kindergarten graduation) much love,
The Real World