Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Only Child Syndrome- Fact or Fiction?

Photo courtesy of Amanda Dixon Leung.
I had always intended to have two, if not three, children.   The thought of raising a self-centered, overly indulged, only child repulsed me.  I wanted siblings, ones who played together and formed tactical alliances against the parents.  And, that is just what my husband and I accomplished.

However, it seems that I may have prematurely judged the only-child. 

For centuries only children have been perceived as weird, lonely, unhappy, and as a "disease in itself" (according to researcher and leading child expert of his day, G. Stanley Hall).  Research he conducted in the late 19th century asserted that only children were "peculiar", more unruly, and less teachable than children from large families.  He found these children to be odd and in danger of being permanent outcasts. 

This stereotype has held fast through the decades, with few people actually questioning it's validity.  Even so, with the economy depressed, couples are not only delaying childbirth and investing in birth control, but deciding to stay after one.  Whether these couples want the freedom to travel, the possibility of exploring career options, or not to be financially strained, they are adopting China's "one couple, one child" mantra. 

Many of my friends fall into this category, and even though they are steadfast in their decision, guilt always finds a way of making itself heard.  Are they setting their child up for failure?  Will she be lonely?  Will he have social difficulties?  Will she be selfish and spoiled?  Luckily, the answer is probably not.

In the 1980's, Toni Falbo, an educational psychology professor at the University of Texas (also an only child and mother of one) analyzed hundreds of studies and deduced that ''only children scored significantly better than other groups in achievement motivation and personal adjustment.'' She found no evidence, in any published report, that only children are "lonely, selfish, and maladjusted."

In the past three decades, numerous other studies have found that only children have more extensive vocabularies, more years of schooling, higher income potential, and slightly higher IQs than their counterparts with siblings.  This is presumably because these children do not have to share the limited resources of the parents.  In addition, only children do not have the social problems we presume that they will exhibit.  They have as many friends as other children, a normal level of self-esteem, and may even be better sharers, firmly believing that their time will come.   


The fact that these children have unlimited access to their parents allows these children to have a leg up on their peers, both emotionally and monetarily.  With more time and money to spend on just one child, parents also tend to be less stressed, more satisfied personally, and happier as a couple.  In fact the addition of each subsequent child has proven to make families less and less content.

So, why even bother birthing two?  With the infant death rate declining, and the demise of the family farm, the need for large families has fallen.  (I don't know about your family, but my two girls rarely help with the hoeing, plowing, and wood cutting.)  The reason most parents give for doubling down, is to provide a sibling to their first, but after reading the research findings, this seems to be futile, since the addition of another child provides little benefits to the family.  

For me, after my first, I wasn't ready to be done with babies, and wanted that second time around.  I've never regretted adding Maisy into our mix, but when our family gets together with single child families, I certainly understand the case for the distribution of limited resources.  Yet, then again, no sound is quite as sweet as hearing Maisy tell Elana, "I love you, sista," right before she sits on her face.

For those that want to read more, check out Time Magazine's The Only Child- Debunking the Myths.

11 comments:

  1. I'm an only child, and I've been told by my inlaws that they were shocked to find that I was an "only." That they thought all onlies were brats, stuck-up, etc. Honestly, the stereotype has always made me sad. Now I have one child and I am raising her the way I was raised: to think about others, be helpful, and not care about always being the best or material things. I hope that people won't judge her.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HOW I GOT MY MAN BACK
      i just want to start this way by giving a huge thanks to this man DR. UGO ANDREW for what he has just done in my life and my family . At first i thought it won,t work because many has failed me before but on a second thought i said let me just try and to my best surprise Harris my husband that said and insist he has nothing to do with me and my family again called me immediately this great man DR. UGO ANDREW of generalspelltemple@gmail.com cast a love spell on him and started begging for forgiveness. Well i love him so much and at once i accepted him back and today we are both living in pace and harmony, all the glory is to this man DR. UGO ANDREW of generalspelltemple@gmail.com DOC I THANK YOU once again for you are worthy of all the praise and thanks. forever am grateful and shall ever be to you . i also want to say if you are out there passing through any relationship issues you can contact him today and i strongly believe he will also help you out. once again you can contact him through the following way

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      HOW I GOT MY MAN BACK
      i just want to start this way by giving a huge thanks to this man DR. UGO ANDREW for what he has just done in my life and my family . At first i thought it won,t work because many has failed me before but on a second thought i said let me just try and to my best surprise Harris my husband that said and insist he has nothing to do with me and my family again called me immediately this great man DR. UGO ANDREW of generalspelltemple@gmail.com cast a love spell on him and started begging for forgiveness. Well i love him so much and at once i accepted him back and today we are both living in pace and harmony, all the glory is to this man DR. UGO ANDREW of generalspelltemple@gmail.com DOC I THANK YOU once again for you are worthy of all the praise and thanks. forever am grateful and shall ever be to you . i also want to say if you are out there passing through any relationship issues you can contact him today and i strongly believe he will also help you out. once again you can contact him through the following way

      Email Address: generalspelltemple@gmail.com

      WhatsApp Number: +1 (518)855-8371

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  3. Hi my name is Kate Clancy, I’m 24 years old. My ex boyfriend he broke up with me 5 weeks ago. I’m currently 15 weeks pregnant. We were together for 7 years (engaged the last). The day he broke up with me he said he “wanted to find himself, wanted to be free, and was confused if he still wanted to be with me or not.” I was devastated but was cool and calm because he’s been dealing with depression for 4 years and I think the news of our pregnancy broke him. I knew he was unhappy with himself because he got in a real bad car accident 4 years ago that changed his life. He lost his football scholarship, the chance to go to school, and hasn’t been able to find a job. When he broke up with me he said that he loves me and always will love me. When he decided to split I decided I wouldn’t contact him because he wanted space, but he calls me at least once a day to check on me. At times he offers to do favors for me like being me things when I’m sick and wash my car. I agree to let him do these things for me because I miss him so much and it seems like everytime I see him he still kisses me and tells me he loves me. He still wants to go to all our sons check up and I do invite him to them. I’m trying to be strong but his actions are confusing me. This was the guy I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with.i was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Unity can help get ex back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it, then he did a Lover-spell for me. 28 hours later, my bf came to me and apologized for the wrongs he did and promise never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal. I and my bf are living together happily again..All thanks to Dr Unity. If you have any problem contact Dr.Unity now and i guarantee you that he will help you..Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com ,you can also call him or add him on whats-app:+2348071622464 ,his website:http://unityspelltemple.webs.com

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  6. Hello I'm Alexandria, I read some testimonies about a love spell caster by Dr.Unity on how he has helped lots of people in bringing back their ex lovers within some hours, Sincerely I was just thinking if that was real and if this man could really help bring back my lover whom I love so much. I decided to contact him because I love my boyfriend very much and we have been apart for a couple of months I really missed him so much, I have tried all other means to get him back but couldn’t.I contacted Dr.Unity and he told me that my ex will come back to me in the next 11 hours, Dr.Unity released him up to know how much i loved and wanted him. And opened his eyes to picture how much we have share together. My ex is now back to me again.As I`m writing this testimony right now I`m the most happiest lady on earth and me and my boyfriend is living a happy life and our love is now stronger than how it were even before our break up.All thanks goes to GOD and Dr.Unity for the excessive work that he has done for me by helping me to get back with my ex boyfriend. I would like to drop Dr.Unity mail address and hope you see this testimony and contact him if you have any problem and i guarantee you that he will help you. Here’s his contact..
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  7. Seeking for help on how to get your ex lover back fast or save your marriage? Unityspelltemple@gmail.com is certainly the best, and his result is 100% guarantee..
    I'm Alexandria, I read some testimonies about a love spell cast by Dr.Unity on how he has helped lots of people in bringing back their ex lovers within some hours, Sincerely I was just thinking if that was real and if this man could really help bring back my lover whom I love so much. I decided to contact him because I love my boyfriend very much and we have been apart for a couple of months I really missed him so much, I have tried all other means to get him back but couldn’t.I contacted Dr.Unity and he told me that my ex will come back to me in the next 11 hours, Dr.Unity released him up to know how much i loved and wanted him. And opened his eyes to picture how much we have share together. My ex is now back to me again.As I`m writing this testimony right now I`m the most happiest lady on earth and me and my boyfriend is living a happy life and our love is now stronger than how it were even before our break up.All thanks goes to GOD and Dr.Unity for the excessive work that he has done for me by helping me to get back with my ex boyfriend. I would like to drop Dr.Unity mail address and hope you see this testimony and contact him if you have any problem and i guarantee you that he will help you. Here’s his contact..
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    ReplyDelete
  8. How to Get Your Ex Back After a Breakup or Divorce!
    Am sharing this testimony because am so happy, I thank Dr Unity for the great thing he has done in my life, After 12years of marriage, me and my husband has been into one quarrel or the other until he finally left me and moved to California to be with another woman. I felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. i tried to be strong just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my husband. Every day and night i think of him and always wish he would come back to me, I was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Unity can help get ex back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a (Love spell) for me. 28 hours later, my husband really called me and told me that he miss me and the kids so much, So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and the kids. Then from that day,our Marriage was now stronger than how it were before, All thanks to Dr Unity. he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that Dr.Unity real and powerful spell caster who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are here and you need your Ex back or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact this powerful spell caster now. Here’s his contact: Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com , you can also call him or add him on Whats-app: +2348071622464 ,you can also visit his website: https://unityspelltempe.blogspot.com .
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    ReplyDelete
  9. How to Get Your Ex Back After a Breakup or Divorce! contact: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com is certainly the best spell caster online,and his result is 100% guarantee.
    I'm sharing this testimony because am so happy, I thank Dr.Unity for the great thing he has done in my life, After 12years of marriage, me and my husband has been into one quarrel or the other until he finally left me and moved to California to be with another woman. I felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. i tried to be strong just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my husband. Every day and night i think of him and always wish he would come back to me, I was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Unity can help get ex back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a (Love spell) for me. 28 hours later, my husband really called me and told me that he miss me and the kids so much, So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and the kids. Then from that day,our Marriage was now stronger than how it were before, All thanks to Dr Unity. he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that Dr.Unity real and powerful spell caster who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are here and you need your Ex back or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact this powerful spell caster now. Here’s his contact: Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com , you can also call him or add him on Whats-app: +2348071622464 ,you can also visit his website: https://unityspelltempe.blogspot.com .
    Erica,United States.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hi, Every One Out Here.
    I'm from USA California. I was hurt and heart broken when a very big problem occurred in my marriage Two months ago, between me and my husband . so terrible that he took the case to court for a divorce. he said that he never wanted to stay with me again,and that he didn't love me anymore. So he packed out of the house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get him back,after much begging, but all to no avail. that he has made his decision,and he never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,surfing the Internet for an advice on how to my husband back i came across a comment about a love spell caster, i never believed in spell, but i had no other choice,i took the email address,: driayaryi2012@hotmail.com i sent a mail to the address, the spell caster assured me that i will get my husband back within 48 hours. What an amazing statement!! I never believed, so he spoke with me, and told me everything that i need to do. i obeyed he and make the payment for some items he told me to get for he to cast the love spell, So surprisingly, my husband who didn't call me for the past Two months, gave me a call told me that he is coming back home. So Amazing!! that was how he came back that same day, with lots of love and joy, and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and my children. from that day,our marriage is stronger than how it were before, by the help of a spell caster. Am so grateful to you Dr Iyaryi. i will advice you out there if you have any problem contact Dr Iyaryi, i give you 100% guarantee that he will help you.. Email him: driayaryi2012@hotmail.com Or Contact him today on his Website http://driayaryispelltemple.webs.com And also Reach him on WhatsApp Number: +2349057915709 Thanks Dr. IyaryI

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