Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Only Child Syndrome- Fact or Fiction?

Photo courtesy of Amanda Dixon Leung.
I had always intended to have two, if not three, children.   The thought of raising a self-centered, overly indulged, only child repulsed me.  I wanted siblings, ones who played together and formed tactical alliances against the parents.  And, that is just what my husband and I accomplished.

However, it seems that I may have prematurely judged the only-child. 

For centuries only children have been perceived as weird, lonely, unhappy, and as a "disease in itself" (according to researcher and leading child expert of his day, G. Stanley Hall).  Research he conducted in the late 19th century asserted that only children were "peculiar", more unruly, and less teachable than children from large families.  He found these children to be odd and in danger of being permanent outcasts. 

This stereotype has held fast through the decades, with few people actually questioning it's validity.  Even so, with the economy depressed, couples are not only delaying childbirth and investing in birth control, but deciding to stay after one.  Whether these couples want the freedom to travel, the possibility of exploring career options, or not to be financially strained, they are adopting China's "one couple, one child" mantra. 

Many of my friends fall into this category, and even though they are steadfast in their decision, guilt always finds a way of making itself heard.  Are they setting their child up for failure?  Will she be lonely?  Will he have social difficulties?  Will she be selfish and spoiled?  Luckily, the answer is probably not.

In the 1980's, Toni Falbo, an educational psychology professor at the University of Texas (also an only child and mother of one) analyzed hundreds of studies and deduced that ''only children scored significantly better than other groups in achievement motivation and personal adjustment.'' She found no evidence, in any published report, that only children are "lonely, selfish, and maladjusted."

In the past three decades, numerous other studies have found that only children have more extensive vocabularies, more years of schooling, higher income potential, and slightly higher IQs than their counterparts with siblings.  This is presumably because these children do not have to share the limited resources of the parents.  In addition, only children do not have the social problems we presume that they will exhibit.  They have as many friends as other children, a normal level of self-esteem, and may even be better sharers, firmly believing that their time will come.   


The fact that these children have unlimited access to their parents allows these children to have a leg up on their peers, both emotionally and monetarily.  With more time and money to spend on just one child, parents also tend to be less stressed, more satisfied personally, and happier as a couple.  In fact the addition of each subsequent child has proven to make families less and less content.

So, why even bother birthing two?  With the infant death rate declining, and the demise of the family farm, the need for large families has fallen.  (I don't know about your family, but my two girls rarely help with the hoeing, plowing, and wood cutting.)  The reason most parents give for doubling down, is to provide a sibling to their first, but after reading the research findings, this seems to be futile, since the addition of another child provides little benefits to the family.  

For me, after my first, I wasn't ready to be done with babies, and wanted that second time around.  I've never regretted adding Maisy into our mix, but when our family gets together with single child families, I certainly understand the case for the distribution of limited resources.  Yet, then again, no sound is quite as sweet as hearing Maisy tell Elana, "I love you, sista," right before she sits on her face.

For those that want to read more, check out Time Magazine's The Only Child- Debunking the Myths.

17 comments:

  1. I'm an only child, and I've been told by my inlaws that they were shocked to find that I was an "only." That they thought all onlies were brats, stuck-up, etc. Honestly, the stereotype has always made me sad. Now I have one child and I am raising her the way I was raised: to think about others, be helpful, and not care about always being the best or material things. I hope that people won't judge her.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HOW I GOT MY MAN BACK
      i just want to start this way by giving a huge thanks to this man DR. UGO ANDREW for what he has just done in my life and my family . At first i thought it won,t work because many has failed me before but on a second thought i said let me just try and to my best surprise Harris my husband that said and insist he has nothing to do with me and my family again called me immediately this great man DR. UGO ANDREW of generalspelltemple@gmail.com cast a love spell on him and started begging for forgiveness. Well i love him so much and at once i accepted him back and today we are both living in pace and harmony, all the glory is to this man DR. UGO ANDREW of generalspelltemple@gmail.com DOC I THANK YOU once again for you are worthy of all the praise and thanks. forever am grateful and shall ever be to you . i also want to say if you are out there passing through any relationship issues you can contact him today and i strongly believe he will also help you out. once again you can contact him through the following way

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      HOW I GOT MY MAN BACK
      i just want to start this way by giving a huge thanks to this man DR. UGO ANDREW for what he has just done in my life and my family . At first i thought it won,t work because many has failed me before but on a second thought i said let me just try and to my best surprise Harris my husband that said and insist he has nothing to do with me and my family again called me immediately this great man DR. UGO ANDREW of generalspelltemple@gmail.com cast a love spell on him and started begging for forgiveness. Well i love him so much and at once i accepted him back and today we are both living in pace and harmony, all the glory is to this man DR. UGO ANDREW of generalspelltemple@gmail.com DOC I THANK YOU once again for you are worthy of all the praise and thanks. forever am grateful and shall ever be to you . i also want to say if you are out there passing through any relationship issues you can contact him today and i strongly believe he will also help you out. once again you can contact him through the following way

      Email Address: generalspelltemple@gmail.com

      WhatsApp Number: +1 (518)855-8371

      Delete
    2. Please read and also contact Dr Trust if you need a powerful love spell to fix your broken relationship.....
      I got a divorce from my husband when I was six months pregnant with my second child. We had been arguing and quarreling nonstop since the day our first child was conceived, no love nor trust from him anymore so he divorced me. And all these whiles, I have been trying all different means to get him back, I also tried some different spell casters here in the United States, but none of them could bring Richard back to me. It was only Dr. Trust who guaranteed me an urgent 48 hours spell casting, and he assure me that my husband will be with me again. I am writing to offer my thanks and deep gratitude to you for keeping your promises, and for using your gifted and great powers to bring him back home. I was thrilled to know that you are specialized in reuniting Lovers. Thank you Sir, for helping me through the worst times of my life, for being such a great spell caster, and for giving me a love spell that has brought me so much joy in my marriage. My husband is back and promise never to leave me again. If you doubt his ability, trust me. You should take a chance. It pays off in ways you could never even imagine. If you are thier right now and you need a powerful and urgent love spell to bring back your ex kindly contact Dr. Trust right now he is the only answer to restore your broken relationship or marriage. Ultimatespellcast@gmail.com Ultimatespellcast@yahoo.com
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  2. WORDS ARE NOT ENOUGH TO THANK THE MOST POWERFUL FEMALE SPELL CASTER IN THE WORLD FOR BRING BACK MY BOYFRIEND TO ME MAY YOUR NAME AND THAT OF YOUR GODDESS CONTINUALLY BE PRAISED DR OWELLE
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    ReplyDelete
  3. Hi my name is Kate Clancy, I’m 24 years old. My ex boyfriend he broke up with me 5 weeks ago. I’m currently 15 weeks pregnant. We were together for 7 years (engaged the last). The day he broke up with me he said he “wanted to find himself, wanted to be free, and was confused if he still wanted to be with me or not.” I was devastated but was cool and calm because he’s been dealing with depression for 4 years and I think the news of our pregnancy broke him. I knew he was unhappy with himself because he got in a real bad car accident 4 years ago that changed his life. He lost his football scholarship, the chance to go to school, and hasn’t been able to find a job. When he broke up with me he said that he loves me and always will love me. When he decided to split I decided I wouldn’t contact him because he wanted space, but he calls me at least once a day to check on me. At times he offers to do favors for me like being me things when I’m sick and wash my car. I agree to let him do these things for me because I miss him so much and it seems like everytime I see him he still kisses me and tells me he loves me. He still wants to go to all our sons check up and I do invite him to them. I’m trying to be strong but his actions are confusing me. This was the guy I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with.i was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Unity can help get ex back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it, then he did a Lover-spell for me. 28 hours later, my bf came to me and apologized for the wrongs he did and promise never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal. I and my bf are living together happily again..All thanks to Dr Unity. If you have any problem contact Dr.Unity now and i guarantee you that he will help you..Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com ,you can also call him or add him on whats-app:+2348071622464 ,his website:http://unityspelltemple.webs.com

    ReplyDelete
  4. I've gotten back with my ex husband, you can also fix your broken relationship & get your ex-lover back fast. I'm Angel Wesley from the United States. My husband and i have been married for about 6yrs now. We were happily married with two kids, a boy and a girl. 1 months ago, I started to notice some strange behavior from him and a few weeks later, I found out that my husband is seeing someone else. He started coming home late from work, he hardly care about me or the kids anymore, Sometimes he goes out and doesn't even come back home for about 2-3 days. I did all I could to rectify this problem but all to no avail. I became very worried and needed help. so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested Dr.Unity can help get ex back fast, restore broken relationships and stop a divorce. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and told him my problems and he told me what to do and i did it and he did a {love spell} for me. 28 hours later, my husband came to me and apologized for the wrongs he did and promise never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal. Thank you Dr Unity for saving my broken Marriage and brought my husband back to me!".. I and my family are living together happily again. Dr.Unity is the best online spell caster that is powerful and genuine. If you have any problem contact him and i guarantee you that he will help you. Here’s his contact..Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com ,you can also call him or add him on whats-app:+2348071622464.

    ReplyDelete
  5. URGENT LOVE-SPELL TO GET YOUR EX BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND BACK FAST.
    I'm so excited. I cant believe it! My ex-boyfriend is back after our break-up, I’m extremely happy that we are living together again.. My boyfriend of 4 years cheated and acted as if it was my fault. We broke up but I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him!. my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my bf.. Every day and night i think of him and always wish he would come back to me, i was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr.Unity can help get ex back fast and stop a divorce. So, I felt I should give him a try...
    I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a URGENT LOVE-SPELL for me. 11hours later, my bf came to me and apologized for the wrongs he did and promise never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal. I and my bf are living together happily again..
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    ReplyDelete
  6. Hello I'm Alexandria, I read some testimonies about a love spell caster by Dr.Unity on how he has helped lots of people in bringing back their ex lovers within some hours, Sincerely I was just thinking if that was real and if this man could really help bring back my lover whom I love so much. I decided to contact him because I love my boyfriend very much and we have been apart for a couple of months I really missed him so much, I have tried all other means to get him back but couldn’t.I contacted Dr.Unity and he told me that my ex will come back to me in the next 11 hours, Dr.Unity released him up to know how much i loved and wanted him. And opened his eyes to picture how much we have share together. My ex is now back to me again.As I`m writing this testimony right now I`m the most happiest lady on earth and me and my boyfriend is living a happy life and our love is now stronger than how it were even before our break up.All thanks goes to GOD and Dr.Unity for the excessive work that he has done for me by helping me to get back with my ex boyfriend. I would like to drop Dr.Unity mail address and hope you see this testimony and contact him if you have any problem and i guarantee you that he will help you. Here’s his contact..
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    ReplyDelete
  7. Seeking for help on how to get your ex lover back fast or save your marriage? Unityspelltemple@gmail.com is certainly the best, and his result is 100% guarantee..
    I'm Alexandria, I read some testimonies about a love spell cast by Dr.Unity on how he has helped lots of people in bringing back their ex lovers within some hours, Sincerely I was just thinking if that was real and if this man could really help bring back my lover whom I love so much. I decided to contact him because I love my boyfriend very much and we have been apart for a couple of months I really missed him so much, I have tried all other means to get him back but couldn’t.I contacted Dr.Unity and he told me that my ex will come back to me in the next 11 hours, Dr.Unity released him up to know how much i loved and wanted him. And opened his eyes to picture how much we have share together. My ex is now back to me again.As I`m writing this testimony right now I`m the most happiest lady on earth and me and my boyfriend is living a happy life and our love is now stronger than how it were even before our break up.All thanks goes to GOD and Dr.Unity for the excessive work that he has done for me by helping me to get back with my ex boyfriend. I would like to drop Dr.Unity mail address and hope you see this testimony and contact him if you have any problem and i guarantee you that he will help you. Here’s his contact..
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    ReplyDelete
  8. How to Get Your Ex Back After a Breakup or Divorce!
    Am sharing this testimony because am so happy, I thank Dr Unity for the great thing he has done in my life, After 12years of marriage, me and my husband has been into one quarrel or the other until he finally left me and moved to California to be with another woman. I felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. i tried to be strong just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my husband. Every day and night i think of him and always wish he would come back to me, I was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Unity can help get ex back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a (Love spell) for me. 28 hours later, my husband really called me and told me that he miss me and the kids so much, So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and the kids. Then from that day,our Marriage was now stronger than how it were before, All thanks to Dr Unity. he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that Dr.Unity real and powerful spell caster who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are here and you need your Ex back or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact this powerful spell caster now. Here’s his contact: Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com , you can also call him or add him on Whats-app: +2348071622464 ,you can also visit his website: https://unityspelltempe.blogspot.com .
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    ReplyDelete
  9. How to Get Your Ex Back After a Breakup or Divorce! contact: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com is certainly the best spell caster online,and his result is 100% guarantee.
    I'm sharing this testimony because am so happy, I thank Dr.Unity for the great thing he has done in my life, After 12years of marriage, me and my husband has been into one quarrel or the other until he finally left me and moved to California to be with another woman. I felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. i tried to be strong just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my husband. Every day and night i think of him and always wish he would come back to me, I was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Unity can help get ex back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a (Love spell) for me. 28 hours later, my husband really called me and told me that he miss me and the kids so much, So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and the kids. Then from that day,our Marriage was now stronger than how it were before, All thanks to Dr Unity. he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that Dr.Unity real and powerful spell caster who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are here and you need your Ex back or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact this powerful spell caster now. Here’s his contact: Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com , you can also call him or add him on Whats-app: +2348071622464 ,you can also visit his website: https://unityspelltempe.blogspot.com .
    Erica,United States.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hi, Every One Out Here.
    I'm from USA California. I was hurt and heart broken when a very big problem occurred in my marriage Two months ago, between me and my husband . so terrible that he took the case to court for a divorce. he said that he never wanted to stay with me again,and that he didn't love me anymore. So he packed out of the house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get him back,after much begging, but all to no avail. that he has made his decision,and he never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,surfing the Internet for an advice on how to my husband back i came across a comment about a love spell caster, i never believed in spell, but i had no other choice,i took the email address,: driayaryi2012@hotmail.com i sent a mail to the address, the spell caster assured me that i will get my husband back within 48 hours. What an amazing statement!! I never believed, so he spoke with me, and told me everything that i need to do. i obeyed he and make the payment for some items he told me to get for he to cast the love spell, So surprisingly, my husband who didn't call me for the past Two months, gave me a call told me that he is coming back home. So Amazing!! that was how he came back that same day, with lots of love and joy, and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and my children. from that day,our marriage is stronger than how it were before, by the help of a spell caster. Am so grateful to you Dr Iyaryi. i will advice you out there if you have any problem contact Dr Iyaryi, i give you 100% guarantee that he will help you.. Email him: driayaryi2012@hotmail.com Or Contact him today on his Website http://driayaryispelltemple.webs.com And also Reach him on WhatsApp Number: +2349057915709 Thanks Dr. IyaryI

    ReplyDelete

  11. Thanks to Dr.joy for bringing back my wife and brought great joy to my family!! joylovespell@gmail.com is certainly the best spell caster online, if you need your Ex lover back fast! and his result is 100% guarantee.. A very big problem occurred in my married between me and my wife so terrible that she took the case to court for a divorce she said that she never wanted to stay with me again,and that she did not love me anymore So she packed out of my house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get her back,after much begging,but all to no avail and she confirmed it that she has made her decision,and she never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my wife So i explained every thing to her,so she told me that the only way i can get my wife back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for her too So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow her advice. Then she gave me the email address of the spell caster whom she visited.(joylovespell@gmail.com}, So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address she gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my wife back the next day what an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me,and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my wife who did not call me for the past seven months,gave me a call to inform me that she was coming back So Amazing!! So that was how she came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and she apologized for her mistake,and for the pain she caused me and my children. Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster . So, was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster . So, i will advice you out there, If you have any problem contact him and i guarantee you that he will help you. Here’s his contact..Email him at: joylovespell@gmail.com ,you can also call him or add him on whats-app:+2347059014517.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Real Online Spell Caster That Is Powerful And Genuine!Email Him At: goodluck05spellcaster@gmail.com

    Hey guys!
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    What a great joy in my heart and i thank Dr.Goodluck for bring back my Ex boyfriend after he left me for another girl. I’m Jelena Evans from USA a Doctor by Profession, After being in a relationship with Scott Thomas for 4years, he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but nothing worked out i started losing hope, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that don’t believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I search for real and powerful spell caster and i came across a website that suggested that Dr.Goodluck can help get ex back fast and stop a divorce or breakup and so many other kinds of problem like cure to HIV and sickness of any kind , So I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and eplained what i needed his help for and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a (return Love spell) for me. 17 hours later, my boyfriend( Scott Thomas )came back to me crying and begging for my forgiveness. Today I’m so happy and i want to recommend this great spell caster to anyone that truly needs an urgent solution to his or her broken relationships and marriage. Simply contact the great “Dr.Goodluck” If you have any problem contact him and i guarantee you that he will help you., email him at: goodluck05spellcaster@gmail.com
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  13. How To Get Your Girlfriend Back After Cheating On You With Another Guy Urgent Genuine Love spell With 100% Gauarantee On Happylovespell2@gmail.com.. Me and my girlfriend have been getting into little arguments which then later escalate. a lot of which are my fault but i never thought i would lose her because we are in love. she told me yesterday that she loves me but she is done. that the fights keep hurting her too much. i can’t believe i hurt her like that and would love nothing more than another chance to prove to her and myself that i will cut out my insecurities that I’ve brought into this relationship. It wasn’t until i lost her that my eyes really opened in what i was doing. i asked for another chance and she said she cannot do that right now. i asked if she is done with my forever and she said she doesn’t know what will happen down the road but right now she needs space. I’m lost, confused, heart broken. i feel like it’s all my fault and i don’t want to lose her, all she told me was that the relationship is over, she blocked me on whatsapp. i went no contact. she unblock me. i still maintain no contact she blocked me again. 1 week of no contact. will she come back? we were very close. she may not be the best looking girl. but i love her. now i begged her to consider me but she’s did listen, she left and i was frustrated, i began searching for help and answers, then i heard about a man that can cast a spell to remind her of all the things we have been through together, at first I was scared then i decided to give it a try, and like magic my girlfriend came back, apology and begging for forgiveness, thanks to this man, I’m posting this to help people with similar issues, do not hesitate to email him.......
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    Whatsapp him or better still call...+2348133873774
    You can also view on his Blogs site... https://happylovespell2.blogspot.com.ng/

    ReplyDelete
  14. Please read and also contact Dr Trust if you need a powerful love spell to fix your broken relationship.....
    I got a divorce from my husband when I was six months pregnant with my second child. We had been arguing and quarreling nonstop since the day our first child was conceived, no love nor trust from him anymore so he divorced me. And all these whiles, I have been trying all different means to get him back, I also tried some different spell casters here in the United States, but none of them could bring Richard back to me. It was only Dr. Trust who guaranteed me an urgent 48 hours spell casting, and he assure me that my husband will be with me again. I am writing to offer my thanks and deep gratitude to you for keeping your promises, and for using your gifted and great powers to bring him back home. I was thrilled to know that you are specialized in reuniting Lovers. Thank you Sir, for helping me through the worst times of my life, for being such a great spell caster, and for giving me a love spell that has brought me so much joy in my marriage. My husband is back and promise never to leave me again. If you doubt his ability, trust me. You should take a chance. It pays off in ways you could never even imagine. If you are thier right now and you need a powerful and urgent love spell to bring back your ex kindly contact Dr. Trust right now he is the only answer to restore your broken relationship or marriage. Ultimatespellcast@gmail.com Ultimatespellcast@yahoo.com
    Whats-App or call him ((+2348156885231))

    Read more about him on his website and also contact him: https://utimatespellcast.wordpress.com

    ReplyDelete
  15. Please read and also contact Dr Trust if you need a powerful love spell to fix your broken relationship.....
    I got a divorce from my husband when I was six months pregnant with my second child. We had been arguing and quarreling nonstop since the day our first child was conceived, no love nor trust from him anymore so he divorced me. And all these whiles, I have been trying all different means to get him back, I also tried some different spell casters here in the United States, but none of them could bring Richard back to me. It was only Dr. Trust who guaranteed me an urgent 48 hours spell casting, and he assure me that my husband will be with me again. I am writing to offer my thanks and deep gratitude to you for keeping your promises, and for using your gifted and great powers to bring him back home. I was thrilled to know that you are specialized in reuniting Lovers. Thank you Sir, for helping me through the worst times of my life, for being such a great spell caster, and for giving me a love spell that has brought me so much joy in my marriage. My husband is back and promise never to leave me again. If you doubt his ability, trust me. You should take a chance. It pays off in ways you could never even imagine. If you are thier right now and you need a powerful and urgent love spell to bring back your ex kindly contact Dr. Trust right now he is the only answer to restore your broken relationship or marriage. Ultimatespellcast@gmail.com Ultimatespellcast@yahoo.com
    Whats-App or call him ((+2348156885231))

    Read more about him on his website and also contact him: https://utimatespellcast.wordpress.com

    ReplyDelete