Thursday, August 18, 2011

Potty Vengance

I am proud to declare that Maisy is no longer potty training, she is trained.  (In pee that is- poop may require some major bribery.  I was thinking of offering her a pony; too much?)  When the urge occurs, she expertly grabs her crotch and yells "PEE PEE!" before running to the potty and pulling up the skirt of her dress.  A few times she has been unsuccessful in accomplishing full clearance of the dress and must spend the next five minutes staring in her closet debating her options for her next costume change.

One unexpected consequence of potty training your toddler is that they quickly develop the ability to manipulate their bodily excrements- and being the crazy, psycho demons two-year-old's tend to be- they fully use this new found talent to their advantage.  Maisy is now a skilled on-demand pee-er.

Ever since we began our adventures in potty training nap time has become an even bigger struggle (full disclose- Maisy has never been a solid napper).  Maisy now believes that since she has transitioned into a big-girl, she no longer needs her mid-day nap (she is most definitely wrong).  While she easily goes into her crib at nap time, actually falling asleep proves much more difficult.  Fifteen minutes after I shut the door to her room, Maisy's voice begins to fill the adjacent kitchen:

"Do you want to dance, Rapunzel?  I like your dress, Cinderella.  Thank you, I like your dress too.  Let's hug."

Firmly I march back into her room and inform her, and her princess companions, that unless Rapunzel and Cinderella also take a nap, they must leave her crib.  Maisy then carefully tucks the plush dolls underneath a baby blanket and lies her head back down.  After that her play is much quieter, or I am too engrossed in the latest episode of Millionaire Matchmaker to bother reinforcing my earlier threat. 

However, like clockwork, forty minutes into her "nap" she begins to scream, "It's wake-up time!"  At this point I turn the volume up on the TV and struggle to ignore her voice.   This works for five, maybe ten minutes, but then she employs her secret weapon- "I go PEE PEE!".  That's it, I have been defeated.

As a seasoned mother of temperamental toddlers, I am not easily jarred by pee, it is actually a very sanitary fluid, with antibacterial traits.  However, I know from experience that this situation can lead to other, less hygienic, bodily byproducts.   I've been burned in the past, and the aftermath scarred me for life.

Two years ago Elana and her friend shared a nanny two days a week.  The friend, let's call her P, napped in a pack-n-play in Maisy's newly furnished nursery (Maisy was still sleeping in our room at this point).  When the babysitter put the girls down at nap time, P, like Maisy, had no intentions of actually sleeping.   When her requests were not met, she preceded to take off her clothes and diaper, climb out of the pack-n-play, and took a dump on the barn yard themed rug.  She then methodically decorated the rug, rocking chair, and changing table, with her brown fingers paint.  When the babysitter opened the door, P proudly flaunted her masterpiece as if to say, "See what you made me do?"  While I still physically gag replaying the aftermath in my mind, the nanny has blocked out that particular day from her memory.

None of the potty training manuals I have read have mentioned this unfortunate side effect.  However, that does not make it any less real, nor frightening.  It is truly a terrifying world when toddlers begin urinating and defecating in revenge.  Careful parents, before you potty train, invest in a small carpet/upholstery steam cleaner. 

1 comment:

  1. love it that you call it revenge! wonder who that P. could be...
    Anyways what worked for E. and L. was to make them clean their mess. Not very efficient cleaners but they did not try many more times.