Tuesday, August 28, 2012

12 Things A Mother Is NOT

To my dearly mistaken children:

Over the past five and a half years, you have developed a skewed vision of my job description. When I signed up for a lifetime career as "mommy," I wasn't prepared to add numerous new skills to my resume, skills such as expert nose-wiper and dependable garbage-disposal.

That said, I totally understand your confusion. At times, I have openly volunteered myself for each and every one of these tasks. However, you need to understand that I did not sign an ironclad contract to be available at all times for each and every one of these menial jobs.

While I do love you with every ounce of blood flowing through my overly-exhausted body, your bodily fluids and tiresome demands for "right now!" are not as endearing. So, for the time being, please view this as a letter of resignation from the following duties:

1. Wipe rag. My shirt may be white, but it was not made by Kleenex. Next time you are in need of a tissue, I will be happy to point you in the direction of the nearest box.

Read the rest here.


  1. This is brilliant! Since reading it I find myself with all sorts of in kind responses for my 3 year old. As she hands me her dirty clothes 'I am not the laundry basket.', her empty milk glass 'I am not the kitchen sink.' etc. She thinks I am funny and it works to redirect her to the proper receptacle.

  2. That was me on the previous comment. Looks like I need some assistance using the computer.