An Isabella by Any Other Name

Against all my warnings, my dear sister-in-law is about to give birth to her second (subsequent) child.  To make matters worse, her first is just 18-months-old.  I plan to bring to the hospital a lovely gift basket filled with Excedrin and scotch.  Although she knows the gender of the baby (power to progesterone!) she hasn't divulged the name, yet.  So, to help her with this decision, I decided to write a little post on how baby names are often chosen.

I started by looking at the top ten male and female names of last year, according to the Social Security Administration.  The column to the right of the name shows the number of babies given that name in 2009.

Rank	Male name	Number of males	Female name	Number of females
1	Jacob	20,858	Isabella	22,067
2	Ethan	19,664	Emma	17,716
3	Michael	18,677	Olivia	17,246
4	Alexander	18,025	Sophia	16,743
5	William	17,696	Ava	15,730
6	Joshua	17,418	Emily	15,204
7	Daniel	17,336	Madison	15,097
8	Jayden	17,082	Abigail	14,232
9	Noah	17,061	Chloe	11,785
10	Anthony	16,139	Mia	11,319

To compare I looked up the top ten baby names thirty years ago.

Rank	Male name	Number of males	Female name	Number of females
1	Michael	67,103	Jennifer	56,299
2	Christopher	51,590	Amanda	28,319
3	Jason	47,216	Jessica	26,101
4	David	40,661	Melissa	23,220
5	James	39,882	Sarah	22,265
6	Matthew	34,280	Heather	20,517
7	Joshua	33,995	Nicole	20,502
8	John	33,342	Amy	19,973
9	Robert	29,426	Elizabeth	18,853
10	Joseph	26,657	Michelle	17,26

There are a few important things to note when comparing these two tables.  First of all, it is evident that boy names are pretty boring.  Parents just don't seem to get that creative with their sons, not even venturing into uncommon spellings like Jasmine vs Jasmyne.  Only two of the top ten male names in 1980 (Jason and Robert) are not in the top 50 male names of 2009.  In comparison there are only two of the top-ten female names from 1980 that make the top 50 of 2009 (Elizabeth is #11 and Sarah is #21). I attribute this to the machismo factor; a son named Eucalyptus just doesn't seem that assertive, powerful, or dare I say manly.

The second observation is that in past decades, the top names, like Michael and Jennifer, were much more popular (by numbers) than the current top names.  Notice how the 10th most popular boy's name of 1978 (Joseph) had more babies bestowed that name than the 1st most popular boy's name of 2009 (Jacob).  During my school years you could not swing a stick on the playground without hitting at least one Jennifer and tripping a few Heathers.  (Not that these are bad names, but in my phone's contact list there are at least four Jennifers and three Heathers.)  If you happened to name your child Jacob or Isabella, they are much less likely to be seated next to another Jacob/Isabella than the Michaels of the 1970's.

Steven D Levitt and Stephen J Dubner wrote a fantastic chapter on baby names in their book Freakanomics.  In this chapter they analze the socioeconomic and racial backgrounds of the most popular names of the 1990's.  What they found is that after a few years the top baby names among the upper class are passed down to become the top names of the middle class and then the lower class.  Based on this, Steven and Stephen predict these names to be the most popular baby names of 2015.

Most Popular Girl’s Names of 2015		Most Popular Boy’s Names of 2015
Annika	Isabel	Aidan	Johan
Ansley	Kate	Aldo	Keyon
Ava	Lara	Anderson	Liam
Avery	Linden	Ansel	Maximilian
Aviva	Maeve	Asher	McGregor
Clementine	Marie-Claire	Beckett	Oliver
Eleanor	Maya	Bennett	Reagan
Ella	Philippa	Carter	Sander
Emma	Phoebe	Cooper	Sumner
Fiona	Quinn	Finnegan	Will
Flannery	Sophie	Harper
Grace	Waverly	Jackson

This book was published in 2005.  Five years later I already see their predication becoming reality.  In my circle of friends I know three Ava's, one Aviva, countless Clementine's, a gaggle of Grace's, numerous Emma's and Ella's, as well a multitude of Maya's (and that's just the girls).

Ted and I had a very difficult time naming our first child.  We decided to be surprised by the gender so we had to come up with two names.  This proved to be practically impossible.  First of all, Ted refused to talk about any name choices until I was dilated five-centimeters and clawing the bedrails in pain.  (I think that this was his way of fighting off the life-changing task we were about to embark upon.  At the time it seemed annoying, but now I totally get it.)  When I did go into labor, four weeks early, we had some brutal decisions to make.  He liked names such as Jessica or Brittany.  I immediately axed those telling him “I didn't realize I was giving birth in 1985.”  I liked names like Abigail (he said too snooty) and Ivy (he said it sounded like a cheap hooker).

Eventually we googled Hebrew baby names realizing that if we can’t decide on one name, we could never pick two.  We found the name Elana to be agreeable and it didn’t have too intense a spiritual meaning (it means tree).  We also decided on Isaac if the baby happened to have a third appendage between his legs; it didn't.  Unfortunately, I didn’t realize until the birth certificate was signed and I was being pushed out the back doors of California Pacific Medical Center that Elana rhymes with Rhiana.  Bleh.  Now people think I did that on purpose!  We gave Elana a middle name that wouldn’t put too much pressure on her to achieve greatness: Wrigley.  If she does something spectacular in one out of every hundred years, she will exceed all expectations that anyone has ever set for the Cubs.

Maisy was much easier to name; we just left it in the hands of our then 2-year-old.  Elana’s favorite character was Lucy Cousin’s Maisy Mouse, so when I asked Elana what the basketball in my tummy should be called, she said “Maisy”.  Ted and I were just grateful that she didn’t choose “Elmo”, or "Curious George".  As Maisy’s middle name we chose to name her after Ted’s maternal grandmother, Jane.  Luckily it can, however obscurely, be traced back to Hebrew lineage so we didn’t have to find a third name for her.

 There are many ways to pick a name for your child.  Many people often baptize their child with the name of a beloved grandmother or grandfather.  I like this approach, but as with all good intentions, it can be hazardous.   What if your ancestors were named Mildred or Percival?  There is a nice loophole, but only for those of you who happen to be of the Jewish persuasion.  There is a Jewish tradition in which you use just the first letter of the name of the dead relative you wish to honor.  My beautiful niece has a middle name of Maya, in tribute to her great-grandfather Milton.  (I never met the guy, and I am sure that he was a wonderful man, but please don't name your baby Milton, unless you think that he will stay bald for the rest of his life.)

Other parents like to name their children after great literary characters, or talented musicians.  My peace-loving, long-haired, hippie parents named my older brother after Bob Dylan and me after a Fleetwood Mac song (to this day my brother refuses to admit that he is named after the iconic folk singer with a raspy voice).  Bruce Willis and Demi Moore named their daughter Scout, after the character in To Kill a Mockingbird (not a bad choice, but a bit in-your-face).  Other parents have named their children Sherlock (Sherlock Holmes), Daisy (The Great Gatsby), and even Lolita (Lolita).  I do not understand these at all.  Sherlock is the name of a boy who gets beaten up at recess, Daisy is just a snooty, spoiled, snot, and Lolita will undoubtedly hit on her middle school teachers! Parents!  Please think of your child's future before naming her!

Even more unfortunate than the parents who try to display their wit through naming, are those who try to be ironic.  No child should ever walk this earth burdened with the names Carrie Oakey, Paige Turner, or (shudder) Tim Burr.  (According to the BBC, these are names or real, honest-to-goodness, living humans.)

And, what about the parents that name their children after everyday objects like- Pickle, Delta, Bread, Harry Pitt, and yes Leukemia?  If you like those names, then you will love my picks: Blender ('cause kids are just loud), Doritos (they just taste so good, why not name your first child after the cheesy and crunchy snack), and Vasectomy (this one is self explanatory).

If you are currently in the market for a name, I would advise choosing one that can easily be converted to the opposite gender, should the need arise (we do live in the Bay Area after all).  Elana can drop the final letter and form the masculine Elan.  Maisy has many options including Mason, Macey, or Maynard.  When the time comes for her to transition, I'll put my hopes in Maynard.